A Day in the Life of Joe Republican
[This is an email that has floated
around the internet since at least 2004.]
Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot
with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and
good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality
standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily
medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid
commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work
All but $10 of his medications are paid
for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union
workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now
Joe gets it too.
He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon
and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal
fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.
In the morning shower, Joe reaches for
his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient
and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal
fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and
how much it contained.
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a
deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist
wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting
He walks on the government-provided sidewalk
to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work.
It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation
fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public
transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his work day. He has a good
job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays
and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and
died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards
because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed,
he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because
some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because
of his temporary misfortune.
It is noontime and Joe needs to make a
bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally
insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect
Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system
before the Great Depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten
mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some
elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better
off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime.
Joe also forgets that in addition to his federally subsidized
student loans, he attended a state funded university.
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit
his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets
in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world
because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards
to go along with the tax-payer funded roads.
He arrives at his boyhood home. His was
the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers'
Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural
The house didn't have electricity until
some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong
and demanded rural electrification.
He is happy to see his father, who is
now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension
because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he
could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.
Joe gets back in his car for the ride
home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying
that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention
that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection
and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We
don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After
all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care
of themselves, just like I have."